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Did you get a chance to read part one of the series the Anti Fairy Tale – Learning to Love Yourself?

I told you that you are the best boyfriend you’ll ever have…here’s what your inner lover of YOU is trying to tell you. You should listen…


What do I mean by epic? You don’t have to prance around in a cat-woman suit but for god’s sake – don’t underestimate yourself. You are capable of so much more than you realize.

If you want great things for yourself then you must decide right now that you are going to be epic. You can do anything and get anything you want; you just have to believe that you can have it. Be epic, be great. Don’t think small. Because the greatness in you is waiting to be unleashed.

Your awesome boyfriend would say, “You’re epic. You can do anything.”


Sometimes you only need one connection, one thought, and one idea to change your life for the better.

If you want to love yourself you’ve got to recognize that one thought does make the difference between happiness and misery. The one idea that you are not a victim, that you are powerful, and in your abilities resides the all the means you need to create a loving and prosperous life.

Your boyfriend would say, “You are everything.”


Loving yourself doesn’t involve spinning out of control every five seconds. You don’t need a bunch of cortisol (the stress hormone that makes you gain weight and creates anxiety attacks) racing through your body.

You need to make a conscious decision right now to stop being overwhelmed. If you’re feeling overwhelmed look at it a little bit more closely and you’ll see what it really is. Fear.

Are you afraid you won’t succeed at something? Are you overwhelmed with work? Make a list.

Write down three things and actually do them. Don’t create lists of twenty items because we both know you’re only writing that crazy-long list to avoid working on item number one.

Clarity comes from engagement. Make a small list and stick to it. Put on blinders with everything else until it’s done.

Your boyfriend would say, “I can only do one thing at a time, babe and I’m going to start by throwing away all your post-it notes, because I care.” 10 Ways to Love Yourself


This one is pretty self-explanatory. You can’t control every outcome or help everyone, every time just because they bitch and moan to you.

It’s not your job to make sure your cousin or your best friend has the best life possible. That’s on them. However, it is your job to be the manager of the universe that is you. It’s your job to make sure you have the best life possible.

If they can’t get their shit together and constantly lean on you for never-ending support, then just smile politely and say, “Sorry, I’ve resigned.”

They’ll look at you puzzled but will eventually stop talking. Wait for it.

Your boyfriend would say, “I don’t give a good goddamn what Martha is doing, she doesn’t pay my bills.” Care less about them and more about you.


Listen, if it’s a matter of budget, I understand. You need to contribute to your retirement plan because no one wants to be a bag lady with fabulous shoes.

But if you aren’t buying that bottle of wine you’ve been eying because there’s no one to drink it with – well that’s just silly. Last time I checked you’re a damn fine, worthwhile, and fantastic person.

Buy that bottle of wine you’ve been dying for, pop the cork, and enjoy it. 337 Cabernet Sauvignon makes a nice mid-week indulgence at around $14 a bottle.

Your boyfriend would say, “I need a refill.”


It starts from a young age. You’re conditioned from your parents, life, and the mass media that you would be perfect if only you were ________________.

I’m here to tell you: let’s take that mp3 track off loop and shut it down. Every time you think you aren’t good enough, tall enough, thin enough – whatever crazy is rolling around in your brain – turn that track off.

Replace it with the positive and say, “I’m perfectly fine. I love myself right now as I am in this moment in time. I don’t need to change one single thing.”

Your boyfriend would say, “I love you, but you need to chill the fuck out.”


Football jerseys are for men. You aren’t a man. Unless you are and in that case I’m going to recommend you stop wearing them as well.

Put on a shirt that fits properly. Don’t just wear it because it’s clean. Once upon a time you put some thought into how you look. Do it again.

If you want to work the sexy secretary vibe with kitten heels, cardigans and pencil skirts– create a uniform out of it. Buy three of each and mix and match to your heart’s delight. It takes just as much effort to put on a bad outfit as it does a nice one. So stop whining and get dressed appropriately.

Your boyfriend would say, “You look pretty.”


Don’t make excuses for what you aren’t. If you focus on what you’re lacking how do you expect anyone else to see your assets? Don’t wish for a smaller butt or larger breasts. Celebrate and love your body. You are strong, powerful, and lovely to look at.

Guess what? You’re the only woman in bed with him and he’s thrilled you’re there. You owe it to yourself to make it a good time for you and him.

Your boyfriend would say, “You’re smoking hot, get in my bed now.”


Maybe you’ve heard the saying, “mutton dressed as lamb.” Well you aren’t dressing like a teenager here. You’re just going to act more youthful.

Studies have found that women have a tendency as they age to try to act more mature. Guess what – you don’t have to do that shit. You only feel as old as you tell your mind to feel. This isn’t woo woo nonsense either, it’s a proven fact. I have research studies, lady.

If you say to yourself, “I’m forty, I’m so old” and you groan every time you get up from your desk chair – how do you think your mind is going to translate that? I can tell you. “Damn, she’s old as the hills. Let’s check out retirement homes and a two-for-one coupon at the Chinese buffet.”

Listen, I act ridiculous all the time. I’m an adult, I’m mature and I’m nearly forty but I don’t act like Grandma Moses because I don’t want my brain to think it’s older than it is and neither should you. Be playful. Put some pep in your step, look alive, act like the energizer bunny let you borrow a couple of his batteries, and before you know it your acting will turn into being.

Your boyfriend would say, “You wore me out. Can we just snuggle instead?”


I enjoy finding humor in the mundane and ridiculous. Look for little things that make you giggle and snicker. Don’t be afraid to smile to yourself when you think of something ridiculous. You are supposed to be happy. Frowning shouldn’t become a way of life. If a smile crosses your face, don’t hurry to rush it away. Let it linger.

You would say to your boyfriend, “That dress is ridiculous. Why is she trying to jam a ten-pound bag of sugar into a five-pound sack?” He would snicker.

Read part three in the series Learning to Love Yourself – Quit Playing Jedi Mind-Tricks.>>

<< Read Part One - the Anti Fairy Tale – Learning to Love Yourself

About the Author Alexandra Andersen

I founded Wine & Drama to make you laugh and help you learn all about wine, food, and living well. I love stinky cheese, my Nespresso machine, Loire Valley white wines, bold full-bodied reds, and championing ladies in winemaking.

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